Why Women Say Sorry Too Often (and What to Say Instead)

Who remembers the song “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” by Elton John? I may be showing my age a little, but I think the song is timeless — especially for a romantic like me.

Yet for many women, sorry seems far too easy to say.

How many times have you started a conversation with “Sorry to bother you,” or spoken up in a meeting with “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

In reality, you’ve done nothing that requires an apology.

And if you’ve noticed that men are far less likely to apologise, you’re right.

Why Do Women Say Sorry So Often?

From a young age, many girls are taught to value empathy and connection — traits that are beautiful and deeply human — but sometimes at the expense of confidence. We’re encouraged to be polite, to avoid causing offence, and to smooth over discomfort.

So we cushion our words with “sorry.”

The problem isn’t empathy. The problem is that habitual apologies can make us sound unsure of ourselves, even when we’re not.

Over time, overusing “sorry” can quietly erode your confidence and lessen the power of your words when you genuinely need to apologise.

What You Can Say Instead

Start by replacing “sorry” with “thank you.”

• “Thank you for waiting.”

• “Thanks for pointing that out. I’ll fix it now.”

• “I missed that. Would you please repeat that last part?”

And instead of apologising for speaking up, simply and kindly say what you need to say:

• “Is now a good time for a question?”

• “I have a different perspective I’d like to share.”

These small shifts change how others perceive you — and how you perceive yourself.

Apologies have their place, of course. When we’ve made a mistake, saying sorry shows strength and accountability. But when it becomes a reflex, it can quietly keep us small.

Try noticing how often you say sorry this week. Replace a few of those with “thank you” and see how it feels.

What about you? Do you find yourself apologising more often than you need to? Have you tried changing your language? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you.